Three things to consider before ending a Relationship

After endless fights, ramming doors and tears the only option that you can see is to opt out of this messy relationship. But before you call if quits you need to sit by yourself and think this through with a balanced mind. Here are few questions that you need to answer to yourself before you break off…

First Question you need to ask yourself is ‘Am I jumping to conclusion’?

Women often put their happiness or unhappiness on their partner, convinced that he is to be blamed. If you are convinced that your partner-spouse is your problem you will blame him for coming in the way of your promotion or girls night out etc. You need to take a deep breath, take a break from all these thoughts and sit with yourself. Communicate. The idea is to step back a step away from all this blame game, and acknowledge the stress or pressures in your life and family. Once you have acknowledged the stretched finances, the pressure at work, the nagging in-laws or the exhaustion of juggling the needs of your children you can understand what’s actually upsetting you. The clues are all there, you just need to look.

Second big question is how different are we as partners? How big is the gap between my partner and me? 

We are all aware that there is no such thing as a Mr. Right. We have to set our expectations realistically. There may be times when he remembers the exact score of a 1961 cricket match and who won the ‘Man of the Match’ trophy but will forget your anniversary. These are often issues that will upset and irritate you. What we are trying to say here is that the cracks that you think are there in a relationship because of lack of communication, contrasting personalities or different interests don’t usually mean they are irreparable. Many of such issues can be addressed with a right kind of counseling and communication.

By now I am sure you know that you cannot change your partner. We suggest you try taking a short break from all this. Don’t call it a holiday or time out. Just plan a short trip. Reconnect with your friends; limit your commitments to your kids schedule. Try taking a Salsa lesson or join a zumba. This will ease off some tension. Try to give time to ‘You’ in this relationship.

Thirdly think of the repercussions, how big will the ripple effect be? 

We know some married women who fall into a "grass is always greener and full of mojitos" thought process. But have you seriously thought of a life without a spouse? Paying bills can be challenging, so can be managing the kids schedules along with your full time work. Your husband or partner may play an active role when you child gets in his or her teens especially when they start dating. Have your really considered post-spouse life realistically?? If you're in your 30s (and beyond), do you imagine finding another partner at parties?  You may find some for sure and you are not wrong here. Except the men at these parties are often married, or encumbered with girlfriends (or boyfriends), or muddling through horrific divorces themselves. We suggest you think about every aspect of the daydream and compare to what you have right now. Okay it can be a challenge to live with his imperfections but you used to find them cute at one point of time. Its not fair to judge him now for all this.

It may take a while for you to find all these answers and to decide whether the relationship is worth saving. But remember trying to salvage a relationship once you have broken all ties is almost impossible.  


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